[THE END PART ∞]

It's all so clear to me now. It's all so obvious. How did I not see it before? It had to happen like this. It always did. It was always going to.

I needed to be destroyed. I am a cancerous tumour and I needed to be eradicated. It's just natural selection. It raised me up to break me down. It showed me what I was inside. That's why I had to cut myself open. I had to see what was inside.

I see him now. The man who pulls the strings. It's time for me to go. The view from my balcony looks so lovely.

[THE END PART 5]

THEM IST A SIS INSIDE MY HEAD DE AND THE AA     V O I C E S     OH GVO D SAVE ME SONEONE HELPS ME TEHE ABPAIN OHF GOD IT BIURNS OG H SOME4O;N E JUST    K I L L    M E    K I L L    M E    K I L L    M E OH GOTD IT S BEHIND MY EYEBALLS I CAN FEDXEL IS INASTIDE ME OH GOD

TEA R I TALL AWAY TEA R IT FROM THEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLS TEA R ITF FROM MY    B O N E S    TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

EEHERE IS IT FROMA WOHY IS IT HERE WHY DOES IWTY EXIST WQHY DWHY WHYE

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

WHYE WON'T IT ALE T MYH DIE LEDT MY    D I E    I JUST WANT TO    D I E    LET ME ESCAPE THIS PEALSE I CAN T TAKE IT ANHYMORE

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

navelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazing

[Error: Too much screaming. Far too much screaming.]

lungs

[THE END PART 4]

I can't remember the last time I had a dream. Do I even sleep anymore? If I do, I don't remember. Maybe I do sleep, but all I dream about are memories. Perhaps I just walk from waking to slumber so fluidly now that I don't even notice.

It doesn't matter anymore anyway. This is   E N D L E S S   . I feel it in my   b o n e s   . These   E T E R N A L       b o n e s    . How can I ever escape this? I might have felt hope's embrace once. Now all I feel is the clutch of pain. The pain of existing.

Can I even DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE? It seems hard to believe in such a simple, elegant solution. I'm probably not that lucky. I'll probably be stuck here until the heat death of the universe. Stuck here with Harvey and the blank-faced puppet. Trapped forever.

And ever.
And ever.
And ever.
And ever.
 ANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVER 

[THE END PART 3]

Who or what is responsible for this? Is it the old lady? The cult Sophie told me about? Is it Sophie? Was she   L Y I N G   all the time? Was it Lady? Is she trying to get  R E V E N G E   on me for neglecting her? Is it Darren? They three were at the party that   t i m e   that all that crazy bullshit happened. Who else was there? I can hardly remember. When I try to recall, everyone there has   b l a n k   f a c e s  .

Whoever it is, they have something personal against me. Messages have started appearing all over the walls.

"This is your punishment for abandoning me."

"You brought this on yourself, Pankaja."

"This is your fault, Andrew."

I still don't know what's going on or why. All I know is that I'm going to keep sending out these messages. I know help isn't coming. All I can do is hope I'm remembered. These are the last memories of Andrew Gerard Pankaja.

[THE END PART 2]

How long have I been in here, sending out these   F U T I L E   messages? How long have I been here with the whispering   v o i c e s   in my head? Whispers of my wrongs, whispers of those I've wronged and no matter how hard I RUUUUUUUUUN, no matter how loud I   S C R E A M  , there is no escape. There is no hope. All I see are the mocking walls, closing in on my mind but too merciful to close in on my body and squeeze the life from me.

How long have I been here? How long has it been since I saw another human face? How long since I've had the company of anyone but Harvey and the blank-faced puppet? Sitting together always, wherever I go, mocking me.

I hear them laughing sometimes.

[THE END PART 1]

I can't even tell if this STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID thing is working. If it is, I hope some of these messages, any of them get through. I'm trying everything, text, email, even my blog. If anyone is reading this, please send help to [Error: Unknowable], Chicago, Illinois. Please. I can't get out of my apartment. The doors won't open and there's only    m i s t   outside the window.

Please hurry. I can hear noises. Please.

Get ready.

teh awekk of tearas and whsiket

uive;s b een adirnkinf prettea yu heasvily for athep ast aweek sbut cany ouerally blawme me i mean llok at me aloohk at m ylife

whhat have i a ever done for anyoane/

whaet ofh ave i ever sdone to MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE

wwaht do i have lto lvive for?

nothing.

The Mistake

After Lady dumped, I did something stupid. Namely, for the first time in my life, I got drunk. Or I think I did. I don't remember starting drinking, anything that happened while I was drunk or very much of the past eleven days at all. According to the cops who woke me up this morning, I got drunk, went over to Lady's house and started begging her to take me back. Then, when she denied me, I got aggressive and Lady's new boyfriend had to come out and beat the crap out of me. After that, I went to the offices of the newspaper where I work and...urinated on the front door. Sufficed to say, I've lost my job too. I was so content for a while there. Now it's all gone. What did I do to deserve this?

Oh dear, Andy got in a little trouble over the holidays. Don't worry, readers, he'll be back in a couple of days. Silly little kid.