Friday 20 January 2012

[THE END PART ∞]

It's all so clear to me now. It's all so obvious. How did I not see it before? It had to happen like this. It always did. It was always going to.

I needed to be destroyed. I am a cancerous tumour and I needed to be eradicated. It's just natural selection. It raised me up to break me down. It showed me what I was inside. That's why I had to cut myself open. I had to see what was inside.

I see him now. The man who pulls the strings. It's time for me to go. The view from my balcony looks so lovely.

Thursday 19 January 2012

[THE END PART 5]

THEM IST A SIS INSIDE MY HEAD DE AND THE AA     V O I C E S     OH GVO D SAVE ME SONEONE HELPS ME TEHE ABPAIN OHF GOD IT BIURNS OG H SOME4O;N E JUST    K I L L    M E    K I L L    M E    K I L L    M E OH GOTD IT S BEHIND MY EYEBALLS I CAN FEDXEL IS INASTIDE ME OH GOD

TEA R I TALL AWAY TEA R IT FROM THEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLS TEA R ITF FROM MY    B O N E S    TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

EEHERE IS IT FROMA WOHY IS IT HERE WHY DOES IWTY EXIST WQHY DWHY WHYE

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

WHYE WON'T IT ALE T MYH DIE LEDT MY    D I E    I JUST WANT TO    D I E    LET ME ESCAPE THIS PEALSE I CAN T TAKE IT ANHYMORE

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

navelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazing

[Error: Too much screaming. Far too much screaming.]

lungs

Wednesday 18 January 2012

[THE END PART 4]

I can't remember the last time I had a dream. Do I even sleep anymore? If I do, I don't remember. Maybe I do sleep, but all I dream about are memories. Perhaps I just walk from waking to slumber so fluidly now that I don't even notice.

It doesn't matter anymore anyway. This is   E N D L E S S   . I feel it in my   b o n e s   . These   E T E R N A L       b o n e s    . How can I ever escape this? I might have felt hope's embrace once. Now all I feel is the clutch of pain. The pain of existing.

Can I even DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE? It seems hard to believe in such a simple, elegant solution. I'm probably not that lucky. I'll probably be stuck here until the heat death of the universe. Stuck here with Harvey and the blank-faced puppet. Trapped forever.

And ever.
And ever.
And ever.
And ever.
 ANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVER 

Tuesday 17 January 2012

[THE END PART 3]

Who or what is responsible for this? Is it the old lady? The cult Sophie told me about? Is it Sophie? Was she   L Y I N G   all the time? Was it Lady? Is she trying to get  R E V E N G E   on me for neglecting her? Is it Darren? They three were at the party that   t i m e   that all that crazy bullshit happened. Who else was there? I can hardly remember. When I try to recall, everyone there has   b l a n k   f a c e s  .

Whoever it is, they have something personal against me. Messages have started appearing all over the walls.

"This is your punishment for abandoning me."

"You brought this on yourself, Pankaja."

"This is your fault, Andrew."

I still don't know what's going on or why. All I know is that I'm going to keep sending out these messages. I know help isn't coming. All I can do is hope I'm remembered. These are the last memories of Andrew Gerard Pankaja.

Monday 16 January 2012

[THE END PART 2]

How long have I been in here, sending out these   F U T I L E   messages? How long have I been here with the whispering   v o i c e s   in my head? Whispers of my wrongs, whispers of those I've wronged and no matter how hard I RUUUUUUUUUN, no matter how loud I   S C R E A M  , there is no escape. There is no hope. All I see are the mocking walls, closing in on my mind but too merciful to close in on my body and squeeze the life from me.

How long have I been here? How long has it been since I saw another human face? How long since I've had the company of anyone but Harvey and the blank-faced puppet? Sitting together always, wherever I go, mocking me.

I hear them laughing sometimes.

Sunday 15 January 2012

[THE END PART 1]

I can't even tell if this STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID thing is working. If it is, I hope some of these messages, any of them get through. I'm trying everything, text, email, even my blog. If anyone is reading this, please send help to [Error: Unknowable], Chicago, Illinois. Please. I can't get out of my apartment. The doors won't open and there's only    m i s t   outside the window.

Please hurry. I can hear noises. Please.