Friday, 29 April 2011

An introduction, I guess?

Good evening, internet. Wait, that sounded presumptuous, I'm sorry, uh, I mean, it might be morning wherever you are, or afternoon, or you might live in one of those countries where it's day all the time and so that would be culturally insensitive, so I'm sorry, so I guess it was wrong of me to presume it might be evening, and I guess it was wrong that I presumed whatever day you're having is good, I mean, well, since you might be having a bad day or a weird day or a really, really good day and in any case even if I was just wishing you a good day there's still the issue that I don't know what a good day would be like of you so I might be imposing my view of a good day on you and that's not nice either so I'm sorry for that. And I guess it's also wrong that I've presumed that you're on the internet, even though I don't know quite how you'd be reading this if it wasn't on the internet but maybe you printed this out to give to an elderly relative though why you'd want to do that I don't know so. Wait, I mean, I don't want to presume anything, so I guess if you want to print this out for some reason or something, I mean, I think that's weird, but I guess I just don't want to judge, and we're all weird in the world and stuff and well there are are all types  out there. Uhh, okay, that went on way too long.

I suppose you can call me Andrew. I don't have a nickname because I don't have anyone to really talk to about the things that happen in my life and the things I find interesting, in fact, well, I'm writing this in lieu of having real friends. Well, I shouldn't write that either, it makes me sound like I have no friends, when in actuality, I do actually have some friends. Well, there's Darren. I suppose he counts, right? Even if he's my manager, there's still a friendly relationship there, and he makes sure I eat and things, so he's nice to me, so he must like me and think I'm an okay guy to be alive. And the guy at the video store smiles at me sometimes. I guess that might also count more in the professional relationships than in the friendly personal ones. But I do have friends!

Who am I kidding? I'm a puppeteer, we don't make friends. Well, no, wait, that's presumptuous as well because I'm sure that there are hundreds or even thousands of puppeteers with lots of friends and I shouldn't lump myself in with them. I'm just not very good at making friends. Or doing anything, really. I'm really boring, one of those reclusive guys that you read about and you think that they can't exist because nobody can be that antisocial, they have to have friends on World of Warcraft or something, but no, I don't even have friends there, or even with other puppeteers, or even my puppets sometimes. I just think my poor puppets deserve better and now I'm personifying my puppets and you're reading this and thinking that I'm a serial killer with dolls stuck to my walls and mummy issues but I'm not, honestly, I'm just not good at anything else.

And I don't want to make any presumptions, but if you're still reading my blog after everything I've written here, you must be crazy. Not to judge or anything, I'm sorry.