[THE END PART ∞]

It's all so clear to me now. It's all so obvious. How did I not see it before? It had to happen like this. It always did. It was always going to.

I needed to be destroyed. I am a cancerous tumour and I needed to be eradicated. It's just natural selection. It raised me up to break me down. It showed me what I was inside. That's why I had to cut myself open. I had to see what was inside.

I see him now. The man who pulls the strings. It's time for me to go. The view from my balcony looks so lovely.

[THE END PART 5]

THEM IST A SIS INSIDE MY HEAD DE AND THE AA     V O I C E S     OH GVO D SAVE ME SONEONE HELPS ME TEHE ABPAIN OHF GOD IT BIURNS OG H SOME4O;N E JUST    K I L L    M E    K I L L    M E    K I L L    M E OH GOTD IT S BEHIND MY EYEBALLS I CAN FEDXEL IS INASTIDE ME OH GOD

TEA R I TALL AWAY TEA R IT FROM THEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLSTHEWALLS TEA R ITF FROM MY    B O N E S    TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

EEHERE IS IT FROMA WOHY IS IT HERE WHY DOES IWTY EXIST WQHY DWHY WHYE

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

WHYE WON'T IT ALE T MYH DIE LEDT MY    D I E    I JUST WANT TO    D I E    LET ME ESCAPE THIS PEALSE I CAN T TAKE IT ANHYMORE

[Error: Too much blood. Far too much blood.]

navelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazingnavelgazing

[Error: Too much screaming. Far too much screaming.]

lungs

[THE END PART 4]

I can't remember the last time I had a dream. Do I even sleep anymore? If I do, I don't remember. Maybe I do sleep, but all I dream about are memories. Perhaps I just walk from waking to slumber so fluidly now that I don't even notice.

It doesn't matter anymore anyway. This is   E N D L E S S   . I feel it in my   b o n e s   . These   E T E R N A L       b o n e s    . How can I ever escape this? I might have felt hope's embrace once. Now all I feel is the clutch of pain. The pain of existing.

Can I even DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE? It seems hard to believe in such a simple, elegant solution. I'm probably not that lucky. I'll probably be stuck here until the heat death of the universe. Stuck here with Harvey and the blank-faced puppet. Trapped forever.

And ever.
And ever.
And ever.
And ever.
 ANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVERANDEVER 

[THE END PART 3]

Who or what is responsible for this? Is it the old lady? The cult Sophie told me about? Is it Sophie? Was she   L Y I N G   all the time? Was it Lady? Is she trying to get  R E V E N G E   on me for neglecting her? Is it Darren? They three were at the party that   t i m e   that all that crazy bullshit happened. Who else was there? I can hardly remember. When I try to recall, everyone there has   b l a n k   f a c e s  .

Whoever it is, they have something personal against me. Messages have started appearing all over the walls.

"This is your punishment for abandoning me."

"You brought this on yourself, Pankaja."

"This is your fault, Andrew."

I still don't know what's going on or why. All I know is that I'm going to keep sending out these messages. I know help isn't coming. All I can do is hope I'm remembered. These are the last memories of Andrew Gerard Pankaja.

[THE END PART 2]

How long have I been in here, sending out these   F U T I L E   messages? How long have I been here with the whispering   v o i c e s   in my head? Whispers of my wrongs, whispers of those I've wronged and no matter how hard I RUUUUUUUUUN, no matter how loud I   S C R E A M  , there is no escape. There is no hope. All I see are the mocking walls, closing in on my mind but too merciful to close in on my body and squeeze the life from me.

How long have I been here? How long has it been since I saw another human face? How long since I've had the company of anyone but Harvey and the blank-faced puppet? Sitting together always, wherever I go, mocking me.

I hear them laughing sometimes.

[THE END PART 1]

I can't even tell if this STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID thing is working. If it is, I hope some of these messages, any of them get through. I'm trying everything, text, email, even my blog. If anyone is reading this, please send help to [Error: Unknowable], Chicago, Illinois. Please. I can't get out of my apartment. The doors won't open and there's only    m i s t   outside the window.

Please hurry. I can hear noises. Please.

Get ready.

teh awekk of tearas and whsiket

uive;s b een adirnkinf prettea yu heasvily for athep ast aweek sbut cany ouerally blawme me i mean llok at me aloohk at m ylife

whhat have i a ever done for anyoane/

whaet ofh ave i ever sdone to MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE

wwaht do i have lto lvive for?

nothing.

The Mistake

After Lady dumped, I did something stupid. Namely, for the first time in my life, I got drunk. Or I think I did. I don't remember starting drinking, anything that happened while I was drunk or very much of the past eleven days at all. According to the cops who woke me up this morning, I got drunk, went over to Lady's house and started begging her to take me back. Then, when she denied me, I got aggressive and Lady's new boyfriend had to come out and beat the crap out of me. After that, I went to the offices of the newspaper where I work and...urinated on the front door. Sufficed to say, I've lost my job too. I was so content for a while there. Now it's all gone. What did I do to deserve this?

Oh dear, Andy got in a little trouble over the holidays. Don't worry, readers, he'll be back in a couple of days. Silly little kid.

The Worst Christmas Ever

Lady dumped me. She called a while ago, saying she was sick of how much time I was spending looking for Sophie and that she wasn't going to put up with being ignored. I feel like an idiot. How could I neglect here like that? She was crying so hard and it sounds like she's already found someone to replace me. There was some man whispering to her in the background.

I can't believe I've fucked up the only adult relationship I've ever had. I'm such a fucking failure.

Still think you can get away with your fuckery, Pankaja? Think again. Have a Merry fucking Christmas.

The Pursuit

I found a member of the writer's circle who knew the old lady and found out that she lives in a gated community in the suburbs. I tracked her down there and, using my job as a cover, asked her if she knew anything about Sophie's disappearance. She acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. I have to admit that if I didn't know she was lying ahead of time, I nearly would have been fooled.

I waited around after talking to her and when she left the estate, I followed her through the snow. I followed her a good way across the city, then she disappeared down an alleyway and when I pursued her, she was nowhere to be seen. What really worries me is that the alleyway was a dead end and there were no doors into the adjacent buildings, no steps or stairs.

Ever more questions. Never more answers.

The Next Step

I used the phonebook and the Internet to track down Sophie's address, an apartment on the other side of town. I went there earlier but there was no sign of her and her landlord said he hadn't seen her since the day of our meeting. She'd returned from the park with an old lady, they'd gone up to her apartment for a while, then they left together as well. I pretended I was Sophie's brother and asked to see the security footage of the front door camera for that day. I fast-fowarded to the footage of Sophie and the old lady and realised that I recognised the old lady, though it took me a while to realise from where.

It was the old lady I was talking to that time I went to the bar with the writer's circle. I don't know what to make of this. Sophie was talking about me being targeted by some cult; is the old lady part of it? Are they the ones who broke into my apartment? I think that someone from the writer's circle knew the old lady, so I'm going to see if I can find out who she is and track her down. I'll keep you all posted.

The Lead

I've got a lead on the Girl. Her name is Sophie Stevens. I found an article about her in the paper's archives. A few years ago, she was rescued almost unscathed from a fire at a church in the suburbs. I recognised her from a photo in the article. There doesn't seem to be anything else on her in anything I can find but a name is a start. Hopefully I can start getting to the bottom of this.

OH, SO THAT'S YOUR GAME, PANKAJA!? YOU THINK MY FRIEND IS GOING TO LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THAT!? THINK AGAIN, ANDY-BOY, THE GAMES HAVE JUST BEGUN!

The Lack of Success

I haven't been able to find the Girl since whatever happened in the park. It's like she's disappeared from the face of the earth. Lady's not happy about how much time I'm spending looking for her either but something important obviously happened at the park and I can't remember it! I know I should be more grateful about her wanting to spend more time with me but I need my space too, I need my own time to do my own things!

Speaking of my own things, the insurance company had made its decision about my puppets and it's not coming through with the money. Even with the job I have, I don't have the money to replace them, so it looks like I'm going to have to retire from puppetry. At least I have that job with the newspaper to fall back on but it's going to be hard to turn my back on my art after so long...at least I still have Harvey and the other puppet (I still haven't unravelled the secrets of its control mechanism, by the way). I guess I can still get a booking now and then when I'm missing it, but it looks like I'm going to be focusing a bit more time on the newspaper for now.

Well, the newspaper and this whole situation with Girl. Whatever it takes, I'm getting to the bottom of this. I have questions that need answers.

The Meeting

Dammit, my head is pounding. I don't remember what happened.. Well, I don't remember everything. I remember meeting the Girl at the park. I remember her telling me that she used to be a member of some weird cult and that she was following me because she thought the cult was targeting me or something, it's all fuzzy. She was trying to tell me something important and then she saw something and ran away and I turned around to see what was there and then darkness.

I need to find her. I need clear answers.

The Catch

Today, I was walking in the park where I found the blank-faced puppet when I saw something dark moving out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see the Girl watching me from behind a tree. She jumped when she saw that I'd noticed her and tried to run but she wasn't very athletic and without a crowd in my way, I was able to catch her after a couple of minutes of sprinting. I grabbed her by the arm and started shouting at her, asking her why she was harassing me. After a minute she stopped struggling and started looking around in fear. Then she leaned forward and whispered into my ear.

"Come back here in three days' time and I'll explain everything, Andrew. I promise."

Then she jerked her arm away and ran off.

What the hell is happening to my life?

The Forgotten

Things are still strange here. No one else seems to remember anything that happened at the party. Not Darren, not Lady, not any of the other people who were there. I gave the "STRINGS" note to the police to see if they could get fingerprints off it or anything, I dunno, I don't really know how those things watch, I only watch CSI at weekends.